The Diana DeGette Guide to Gun Safety

By Rep. Diana DeGette

In light of the on-going gun debate, as a service to my constituents I have drafted a quick guide to gun safety. It explains how guns work as I understand it and offers some commonsense tips.

HOW GUNS WORK

At right, you can see a diagram of a magazine. Magazines are ammunition, they’re bullets. If you ban them in the future, the number of these high capacity magazines is going to decrease dramatically over time because the bullets will have been shot and there won’t be any more available.
This is a diagram of an AR-15. Guns work by using the spring in the magazine to detonate the black powder inside the long tube at the end. The proton pack generates a powerful electromagnetic field that helps propel the bullet down the tube where it then exits and murders someone. Sometimes people murder each other with shotguns, which are similar to the AR-15 but have laser sights and vent holes.

SAFETY TIPS

1. Remember to never use your magazine more than twice, as it will become unstable after two firings.

2. Always load your gun by pouring black powder into the barrel, sliding the bullet in, and then using a stick to push it in.

WARNING: A RIFLE THAT HAS BEEN PAINTED BLACK IS AN ASSAULT WEAPON, ONLY HANDLE AN ASSAULT WEAPON IF YOU HAVE BEEN PREVIOUSLY AUTHORIZED BY AN ELECTED OFFICIAL OR CELEBRITY.

3. Do not attempt to eat your firearm.

4. Always keep your rifle disassembled when not in use to reduce risk from electromagnetic radiation that is generated when firing.

5. Never fire your gun.

WARNING: ALL MODERN FIREARMS CONTAIN POWERFUL PROTON PACKS, NEVER CROSS THE STREAMS OR ALL LIFE AS YOU KNOW IT WILL END INSTANTANEOUSLY AND EVERY MOLECULE IN YOUR BODY WILL EXPLODE AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT!



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